you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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