When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
