i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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