Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
