Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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