Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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