I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
