i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
