Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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