You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize