My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
