the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize