whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
