dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
