And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
