You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
