I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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