Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
