he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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