look no pants
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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