Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize