Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
