I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
