I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
