I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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