is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
