dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
