I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
