I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
