I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
