Will you blow on my dice?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
