I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
