he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
