In the future we'll all be gay
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think your dad took our porno
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
