she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
