Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
