4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
