I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
