We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
