from now on my penis is your penis
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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