You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
