i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
