Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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