saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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