I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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