there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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