Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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