Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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