Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize