His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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