Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
