i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
