There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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