If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
