So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
