I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
