im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize