I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
