my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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