pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
