Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
