We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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