he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think your dad took our porno
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
