You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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