You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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