is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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