He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
