True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
