where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I skipped work to stalk him.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
