That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
