I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
