i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry about my life...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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