I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
