Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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