so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize