That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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